In the following candid interview with award-winning author, philosopher, and poet Emily Maroutian, she opens up about her unique approach to writing, the intuitive process behind her impactful words, and her perspective on creativity as a dance with the universe.
As she prepares to release her new book, Forty, in August, we delve into her journey of self-awareness, her views on partnership and love, and her aspirations for contributing to global harmony.
Join us as we explore the mind and musings of an author who not only captures the essence of wisdom in bite-sized parcels but also lives by the truths she so eloquently shares.
Emily, your work includes a lot of bite-sized wisdom. They’re potent words packed in short paragraphs. What’s your process for writing them?
Over the years, I’ve grown more self-aware. One of the things I’ve realized is that I have a very active self-talk. I’m in conversation with myself for the majority of my day. I don’t just mean thoughts, I mean I have back-and-forth conversations with two different flowing thought processes. I’m able to hold contradicting or opposing ideas without immediate resistance toward one or the other. I think most people think or hear something that doesn’t match their world view and they immediately negate it. I like to take my time with it because it’s not all-or-nothing. It’s not necessarily true or false. There could be some truth and some falsehood in it. I could hear information that sounds ridiculous but there might be a nugget of wisdom or truth in it. I think of myself as a mental minor. I don’t walk into the cave and go, “There’s nothing here!” I dig.
How do you know when you’ve hit wisdom?
That’s a good question. I feel it throughout my being. It resonates. I hear it in my mind and my body will immediately respond to it. It’ll feel like I just heard something profound from someone else. Like a truth was just revealed to me.
Does it feel as if it’s coming from someone else? Or maybe elsewhere, like higher up?
After more than 25 years of writing, I’ve learned that about 90% of my work doesn’t come from me. I don’t try to create anything. I just show up ready. I’m just the channel through which creative energy flows. I’m the pen but there’s a different writer. I’m just a willing participant in this energy exchange.
That’s profound as well. I’ve never heard it explained that way.
It’s interesting because every once in a while, I’ll pass on writing something because I just don’t feel like doing it, but then a few months later, I’ll see it on social media because someone else said it or wrote it. I think that the creative energy looks for an outlet to be released, and if you’re not a willing participant, it will just go to someone else. This is how you might have an idea for something, but if you don’t act on it, someone else will. The time for that idea has come, if you’re not willing to give birth to it, it will find someone who is. It’s an energy. It doesn’t belong to you. It moves through you and out of you, but it’s not yours. Once I started looking at creativity in this way, I stopped wrestling with it. I don’t believe in writer’s block. I don’t believe in fighting or struggling to get something written. My only job is to just get myself ready for the work that is ready for me.
Hearing you say that gives me a sense of peace and relief. My only job is to just get myself ready for the work that is ready for me.
People often ask me what my secret is, and I tell them it’s that, but they don’t really know what to do with it. In our society, we like to think of creative work as a job we do instead of who we are. We’re not factory workers fulfilling a quota; we’re channels. We falsely take responsibility for it as if it’s a task to get done, and then we pressure ourselves right out of the creative flow. We think we have to WILL something to happen. We create disciplines around it. We stick deadlines on it. But I think we’re going about it in the wrong way. It’s not a job. It’s a dance. You have to show up ready to move with the flow of the music, whatever it may be. You are not the choreographer. You are not even the music. You are just the guy on the dance floor who moves. So move. And most importantly, be ready and willing to shift with its ebbs and flows.
What do you do when it’s a down period? How do you get past that?
You don’t create meaning out of it. You don’t make it mean something about who you are as an artist. You don’t place more weight and heaviness on the energy because then it can’t flow freely. You allow it to be what it is, and if you have to, you take a break from it. Go exercise, go take a walk, meditate, listen to some music and dance, do something else. Go sit under a tree. Play with a child. Get the energy flowing through different means, and stop pressuring yourself to get it right. Perfection is the shut-off valve to creativity. When you relax, it comes. When you play, it comes. When you laugh, it comes. Watch a funny movie.
Perfection is the shut-off valve to creativity. I need to stick that on a note somewhere on my writing desk. Speaking of writing. You have a new book coming out this year.
Yes! It’s my follow-up to Thirty, the book I released in my thirtieth year. This year I will be forty so there’s a new book coming with the same name.
Should we expect something similar to Thirty, which is a great book, by the way?
Thank you. It’s similar in the format. It’s bite-sized wisdom, as you called it. It’s short-form insights. I’ve grown a lot in the past decade. I’m not who I was at 30 years old. I’ve done a lot of work on myself. And I think that work is reflected in this book as well as the one that came before it, Your Empowered Self. They’re reflections of my evolution.
You’ve grown in tremendous ways, and it’s evident in your work. You’re wise, articulate, and creative.
I’m also incredibly goofy and silly. I’ve kept my childlike wonder over the years. I think that’s important. You need balance. I like to have fun and I like to play and I think there’s something really important in that as well. I don’t think wisdom is necessarily serious. It depends on the subject, of course, but I think there’s wisdom in being silly. I think there’s wisdom in laughing so hard your stomach hurts. I think there’s wisdom in being funny. There’s wisdom in great love, but there’s also wisdom in heartbreak. There’s wisdom in the rain, and there’s wisdom in the desert. Most of life’s wisdom is in the living of life, through its ups and downs. You just have to pay attention.
I agree entirely. Other than Forty, what’s next for you?
Recently I went back to school to complete my bachelor’s degree in comparative religion. I’m also getting certified in interreligious and intercultural relations. I would like to do human rights and humanitarian work in the future. Maybe work with an NGO. Something global. I’m not sure yet. I don’t have a clear picture of it yet. I’m trying not to force it or push it. I’m going to allow that work to come to me as well. I’m not chasing anything. It won’t be for another year, at least, so I’m not in a rush to figure anything out. But I do know I would like to work with interfaith groups to help facilitate peace and harmony in certain regions. We’ll see how it works out. I’m not attached to a particular outcome. I’ll let the universe bring me what I’m ready for when I’m ready for it.
That strategy seems to work for you in creative efforts, it might work for you in the career field as well.
I’m also applying it in my dating life too. This year, after taking a break from dating for many years, I’ve decided to get back into it to find a partner in life. Someone I can do this work with. Someone I can travel with and have fun with, but also do humanitarian work with. I want the serious and the silly. Also, this work gets really hard sometimes and I’d love to have someone who feels like peace and joy at the end of the day. A comfortable place to land. Someone who reminds me to keep it light when I get into the depths of the darkness. And I do have a tendency to do that.
What are some characteristics you’re looking for in a partner?
I want to list so many characteristics of what I want in a partner, but right now it’s about what I need in a partner. I need emotional maturity, good communication, someone with a kind heart, thoughtfulness, intelligence, someone creative, fun, and funny, but ultimately, someone who can match me in all the right ways. Someone who can put in what I’m putting in. Someone who can give what I give. She doesn’t have to be perfect or exactly like me. I want her to be her own person with her own thoughts, feelings, dreams, and goals. I want her to be fulfilled in the work she’s doing and I would like that work to be similar to mine. I would love to work with my wife. I would love to build something together, to do good work together in the world. I don’t just want to be married for the sake of being married. I want a full partner in life. And if I don’t find someone who fits that, then I won’t get married. For me, it’s all or nothing in this regard. It’s the one area of my life where I am very fixed and rigid. I don’t mind being single so I can hold out for the right one as long as it takes. I’m not going to choose someone just so I’m not alone. She has to be the right fit. And if she doesn’t exist then I’ll just keep doing my work in the world.
I would like to add a little something to that thought, Emily, if you don’t mind.
Please, go right ahead.
Because of the work you do, you need someone who fills you back up when the world depletes you, not someone who also depletes you. I’ve learned this from my own personal experiences.
Oh, I agree, 100%. When you’re out there, solving problems and healing others, you don’t want to come home to someone who is creating problems at home. You don’t want to come home to more “work”. You need someone who is mature and responsible and emotionally intelligent, which is the important part. You need someone who will fill up your bucket when the world dumps it out. When the world decides to fight with you because of who you are or what you do, you need someone who balances you, not someone who picks more fights. You know those people who feel like sunshine in human form? I want one of those. Where do I put in an order?
I don’t know but let me know when you find out.
You’re the first person I’ll call.
Going back to your earlier point, I agree with you, you have to do the inner work or else you’re no help to anyone.
Yes. It’s really good advice no matter who you are. I think we all need partners who are willing to take responsibility for themselves and do their inner work. If they don’t, they’ll make you responsible for it. That’s a burden I am no longer willing to carry. For anyone. I’m here to support you in doing your work, but I can’t do it for you.
We can’t do anyone’s work. Not our partners, not our families.
No. And also, there’s a level of co-dependency in wanting to or trying to. You can’t eat someone else’s healthy food for them. You can’t lose their weight or quit their smoking. You can offer love and support as they work on those things, but you can’t do it for them.
And you can’t make them want to do it for themselves.
Right.
Thank you, Emily. Before we end the interview, is there anything else you would like to add?
Yes, just because you’re the channel for the creative energy, it doesn’t mean you’re not important to the process. I don’t want it to seem as if we’re disposable pens. Each one is different and unique due to their own experiences and histories. There is only one you. You are the filter through which the creative energy shines. That same idea would be expressed differently with a different person because it would be a different filter. You bring something distinctive to it that others can’t. That’s ultimately why YOU were chosen for the task. If you pass on it, then it goes to the next best candidate.
Thanks for clarifying Emily and thank you for this eye-opening interview.
Thank you.
Emily Maroutian’s Books can be found on Amazon (https://amzn.to/1VNm24m) and in online bookstores worldwide. You can follow her on Instagram at @emaroutian.